i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
