I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
