He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
