Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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