I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
