I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
