I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
