I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
