if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
