After last night, I could never be a politician.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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