just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
