I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
