the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
