Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
