Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
