Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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