My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
