Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
