he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
