I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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