when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
