Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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