shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
