it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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