i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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