Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
