what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
