I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
