I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
