Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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