How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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