why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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