I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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