Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
