Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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