On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
