He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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