he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
