Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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