apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
