So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
