the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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