How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
