She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
