I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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