youre lurking in front of me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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