dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
