Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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