A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
