He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
