this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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