normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize